Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
