dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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