i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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