i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
