If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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