and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
