i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
