"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
