Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
