I'm drive I can fine osifer
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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