Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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