i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
