Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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