so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
