That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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