i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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