I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
