Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I got inside last night via doggy door
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
