she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
handjob tips. give me some.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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