why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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