Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
