Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
