do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just pee around me
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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