I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
this will be a night to untag.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
