if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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