Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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