There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
