Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
