i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
