Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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