you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
