I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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