but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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