we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
