How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
