it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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