i barfeds in our rink
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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