I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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