omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
