Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
