u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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