I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
