Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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