Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
