Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
