You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
