were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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