If i come over, it means nothing
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
