Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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