im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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