Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
