you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
