after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
