11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My ass is underappreciated
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
